Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
