i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
