Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
