Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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