and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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