there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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