Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
