i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
