ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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