when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
