I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
