All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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