I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize