I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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