I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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