Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
