we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
