Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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