Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
