peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
