u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
