How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
