I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
