he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
