The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
