you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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