Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
