I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
