dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
