Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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