come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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