Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
