my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
