Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
