and you said cock pushups were impossible
im having a threesome with these popsicles
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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