why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Can't talk, ducks in the car
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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