saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
