i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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