the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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