I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
