He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
