We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize