I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
