You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
