thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
