oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
