I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
