it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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