Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i was born a porn star she said
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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