I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
