On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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