I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
This house was built for laser tag.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
