The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
