I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
