I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
