Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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