You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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