I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
