Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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