My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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