Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
