Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
