I just threw up on my dentist
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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