I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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