You're my little dorito
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
