why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
