I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
