help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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