dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So much rum. So many feels.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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