do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
